He never fails to bring me outta my wilful or watever negative state thru His words. His words never fails to encourage me or pull me thru unhappy moments. He never fails to remind me my role as a christian whenever i'm fallin apart or drifting away from Him.
i did my qt this morning and the words sank fully into me. i woke up from my "self-deception" that i'm being wronged or whatever.
there are many things that cause my faith to be shakened/weakened. not in the sense that i don't believe in Him but rather i tend to rely on my own strength for solutions.
philippians 4:8 ...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
improper thoughts rob us of the peace God desires for us and hence we have to stand firm in our faith, rejoice always, guard our hearts and fill our thoughts with good things.
i have to learn to put an end to disagreements esp with my parents and i did. for this incident. praise Him for His guidance to put an end to my "grudges".
i've still been driving but not often and its really a resolution not to "snatch" their car. ultimately, they don't owe me anything. in fact i should be grateful for their willingness to give in their car occasionally.
after these few days at home. i realised how my family loved me unconditionally. i haven been in a good mood after that incident but they kinda tolerated my rubbish. they are still as NICE to me thou my mum's a lil' naggy.
thanks for all those who messaged me, prayed for me. thanks to justin for his encouraging verses, winson for his chocolate hello panda, yixiang for the "copycat" note and almond choc and ivy ang aka ibm for the ride to tradehub on sat. all these lil' act did warm my heart and i know that i'm not struggling alone in this.
and she stops bitchin`
Friday, October 20, 2006
one incident
car is one of the major factor causing the cleft between me and my parents.
i've always been perceived to be SNATCHING their car etc.
sometimes i'd rather not get a license.
my dad wanted me to drive to church first b4 he took over to his church.
i commented, "its so troublesome for me to drive and change over."
then he replied in a harsh way, "u ALWAYS wanna take the car and now that i asked u to drive first u make so much comments. if that's the case u DON'T take the car in future!"
i kept quiet! many thoughts filled my mind... i will not drive anymore unless told to i will learn to be independent i will earn my own money to get my own car i will take a cab rather than asked for a ride back by them
i so want to switch off at home but i know i can't! its harder and harder to live at home. i can't breath. i hate the fact that when i'm home i'll naturally be a nanny. i hate the fact that my room is invaded by them when i come home. i hate the fact that when i want solitary time i dun get it.
i know i'm being wilful. i'm being immature. i'm not doin wat a christian should do i.e. to love my family, love others just like how God first loved us. i'm just airing wat's been weighin me down time and again. i'm not gonna leave home. no worries. i'm not gonna hate my family for that. i appreciate them. i'm thankful for them.
i think its just me. whatever.
and she stops bitchin`
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
exams? play?
i can't seem to settle down to study. exams less than a month away. i know nuts bout wat i'm studyin and i just can't study.
when i am in the mood to study, i have lotsa things to do. when i am free, i am not in the mood for books.
help!!!!!
dot's bday on sun was better than i expected. it was at the treehouse at bukit batok civil servant club or watever its called. quite a nice place but hot. it was one of the few times i getta see all the sports club ppl again, weiyee huiwen char zing mik many many.
dot squeezed some tears to "show" her appreciation to the "surprise party" event committee and all who went. she wasn't exactly surprised as she was numbed by the fact that her dream of her 21st celeb is long dashed by some financial issues.
but wells. it ended well din it? she enjoyed. we did too.
and she stops bitchin`
Monday, October 02, 2006
music all weekend
praise and worship ended quite well on sat. at least that's wat i thought.
initially i was quite disturbed and kinda stressed by the fact that if the turn out rate of fellowship weren't that many and we're using the main hall, pr chua will not let us use it for other yf programmes too. i understand that there are many implications if we use it. both wenjun and i were caught in a dilemma. to use or not to use? there were many other factors influencing our decisions...the whole projection of the sound, the amps and many many. initially i was only concerned by how the team will sound during the session. i want to give Him the best! but soon after, God made me realise that its not the sound that matters. its the heart and the spirit to worship Him that He sees not how well we "performed".
in the past before we have our own church, using drums and all the "hi-tech" equipment was a luxury and now we're asking for more when we already have it. that's human nature.
i was still glad the brothers and sisters enjoyed it and i believed most of us, at least for the worship team experienced Him thru the songs that was led by wenjun. God uses little things or minor details to show us His power and His work.
the Chinese Music Night ended with a BLAST! really! i was and still am grateful for the chance to work with all of them. they were all veterans. i learnt alot from them be it in skills on playing or skills to work with the team.
the message by pr chua touched my heart the most. she posted a question to all. wat do we use to listen to the songs or when we worship Him? are we worshipping Him with only our body, our heart or our spirit? indeed, if we stop only at worshipping with the heart, we're still very shallow, we should worship Him with our spirit as well.
i committed quite a few mistakes while playing but it was generally okie. many told me that my playing improved alot and i played well. to me, it felt the same. i thought i've been playing the same thing since the last time? or just slightly better. all the praises from the ppl is actually not directed to me but to God. if not for Him, i wouldn't have played well for this prog. i also thank the team for the improvement cuz they really helped alot in stuffs like how to play and wat to play.
Father, i thank you for the chance to serve in this special ministry. i thank you for giving me skills to play the piano. i thank you for brothers and sisters who are always there to help me improve and play better for you. i thank you for not giving up on me though at times i serve only for the sake of serving and not put my heart into it. i thank you for answering my prayer to want to improve my skills and play beautifully for you.